Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The Adoration of Jenna Fox
A Question I Will Never Ask Mother:
Did I have friends?
I was sick for over a year and yet there is not a single card,
letter, ballon, or wilted bouquet of flowers in my room.
The Netbook never buzzes for me.
Not even an old classmate's simple inquiry.
I may not remember everything, but I know there should be
I know when someone is sick that people check on her.
What kind of person was Jenna Fox tha she didn't have any
Was she someone I even want to remember?
Everyone should have at least one friend.
I hear a sharp voice. It is Mother. She is angry. At me? I
did as she asked. I lean near the banister to listen. Lily's voice is
"When will you admit that you made a mistake?"
"Stop it! You of all people should understand! If it weren't for in vitro, I wouldn't be here. You always called me your miracle. Why can't I have one, too? Why do you get to decide
when the miracles will end?"
"It's not natural."
"Neither was I! You need help. That's all I wanted--"
"How much is me?"
Her lip trembles. Her eyes pool.
Lily intervenes. "Ten percent. Ten percent of your brain. That's all they could save. They should have let you die."
I try to understand what she is saying. I watch her mouth move. I hear words. Ten percent. Ten percent.
And then Mother is suddenly fierce. A lion. Within inches of my face. "But it is the most important ten percent. Do you hear me? The most important."
I glare at them both. "How dare you!" I say. "How dare you play with my brain!" How dare you pretend with me that I'm normal! How dare you program me!"
The word sends a shockwave through the room. For moment neither one speaks, stunned by the outing of their dirty secret.
This one hits way too close to home for comfort!!!
"A bill is before Congress, " Rae explains, "and Senator Harris has been trying to persuade his fellow senators to vote against it. By talking for so long, he has hoped that it will give some chance for the opposition to make a stronger case, sway others to their point of view."
"What is the bill?" I ask.
Ethan lays his head down on his desk and closes his eyes as Rae explains.
"The bill is the Medical Access Act, which will put all medical decisions and choices back into the hands of physician and patient. It will cut FSEB entirely out of the process."
A bit for someone here.
A bit there.
And sometimes they don't add up to anything whole.
But you are so busy dancing.
You don't have time to notice.
Or are afraid to notice.
And then one day you have to look.
And it's true.
All of your pieces fill up other people's holes.
But they don't fill
Posted by Staci at 7:52 PM