Sunday, March 22, 2009
Who By Fire
Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
Eventually, we were rescued. One of the eight-man crew boats, filled with Harvard students, rowed right up to us. The coswain yelled, "Weigh 'nuff!" and then, "Set the boat!" and one by one, someone from the boat jumped into the polluted water and helped one of us in. First my father (who had shouted that he needed to be saved first so he could help his children), then Ash, then me.
**this is where I really started to not like the father in this story..what an ass! To be saved before his two children????
In fact, I hadn't even known the extent to which Alena had been haunting me, hadn't known she'd been resting under my skin like a hard-to-reach itch, until I saw what my heart felt like when I could finally fill it with something new.
And even though I didn't want to, I knew at that second that I was going to sleep with him. And guess whose fault that was. Ash's.
Bit's is describing her need to have sex.....
There was---okay---fifth grade, right after Alena disappeared, when I started fooling around with a seventh-grader named Teddy--the sweet boy with the red hair-lying naked with hiim behind the big maroon curtain on the auditorium stage. That was way before sex-ed classes, way before puberty, even before armpit hair. So kids talked. But at age ten, what could I do? Explain to my fellow fifth-graders what it felt like to lose a sister, and to have parents who, instead of trying to sew the hole up, ripped it open wider every day? Tell them about the rush of white noise in my head, the throbbing in my chest; the way sex, or whatever it was Teddy and I were doing, felt like the only way to dull the edges of things? So I said nothing. I let them talk.
"everything is a choice," I say, but I'm not even sure I've said it aloud, until Chaim responds, "Even guilt is a choice."